Friday, April 1, 2016

Is it too hard to come to the gym? We have the solution for you!

What other gym offers papal indulgences?
Do you notice how fit all of your friends with Barbell Strategy memberships are? Do you want the same feeling, but you just don't want to make the effort to come to the gym? We have the solution for you: the Barbell Strategy Neutrino membership - you don't need to interact with the gym! Our new discounted membership offers all of the benefits of being a member, but you don't actually come to the gym. For only $55/mo, less than 1/2 price of an Unlimited membership, you can ease your cognitive dissonance. Simply pay for your membership each month and have the peaceful, comforting feeling that you've done your part - you've joined a gym, and soon you'll just magically get fit and strong!

For those of you who are already a member, don't worry we have some solutions for you. Do you not like all of Mike's judgment when he calls you out for your bad nutrition or sleep habits? Well, now we're selling indulgences to clear your conscience for you.  Feel free to eat that pizza, cheese steak, or big piece of chocolate cake. For only $20 a treat, we'll take away all the guilt associated with your bad choices and make everything okay. It's $10 for a beer, but that's a small price to pay to not worry about the gluten making you sick, or the hops messing with your hormones.

What about burpees? Everyone hates burpees. We're offering a unique opportunity to avoid burpees. Our anti-burpee membership has three levels tailored to your budget. For only $2.50/burpee, you can choose a movement to substitute.  Don't like the 20 burpees we assigned? It's only $50 and you can do air squats instead. For only $1.25 more, you can completely eliminate the work - you don't even need to substitute a movement. Say you want to sit down on a box and relax while everyone else does their burpees, we'll simply charge your credit card on file for $3.75 per burpee. It may seem expensive, but isn't it worth it to avoid burpees? And we offer 100-burpee punch cards at a 30% discount. Why work hard when you can just buy your way to fitness. Finally, you can get back at someone in class! For a one time fee of $100 you can reassign your burpees to anyone in class - make them get fit for you!

Keep an eye out on the blog, we're working on new and improved membership packages and perks. We've found that it's too hard to come in to the gym, lift weights, sleep right, and eat well, so we're working on new and innovative ways for you to feel good about yourself without the effort.
Workout
strength - add weight from last time (more info) 

power clean 5x3 

then

3 rounds with full recovery:

12 deadlifts
sprint to the stop sign and back
5 pull-ups
75 burpees